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Thursday, April 2, 2009

Do I need to correct all my flaws before I'm ready to marry?

Anthony Buono, founder of Ave Maria Singles and Road To Cana, and has worked with single Catholics and in the field of marriage since 1996. Read his responses to questions or listen to his weekly podcast.

Do you have a question for Anthony? You can ask it here, whether you seek advice on relationships, dating, marriage, men and women, using the AMS website, or anything that has to do with being single, Catholic, marriage, or the desire to be married.

Posted At : February 5, 2009 7:40 PM | Posted By : Anthony Buono
Dear Anthony, 
I'm trying to work on correcting all my flaws so that I'll be a worthy spouse for my future husband. Do you think I'm being too idealistic? 
Putting off marriage until you feel you have your flaws overcome is a mistake. And it is an even bigger mistake to expect that in another person you consider for marriage. It's nice to know what the ideals of marriage are and strive for them, but marriage is a vocation to find your own sanctification in while serving the other person despite what they may do. It's about bring new life into the world and mutual love of the spouses. The bringing new life part is not as demanding as the mutual love part. In other words, it is very hard work, and takes a lifetime, to keep looking out for the best interests of your spouse and maintain a love for them that is self-sacrificing. But it is these two things that fashion us personally for Heaven through this vocation.[...]
Too often people believe another person is the "wrong" person because of reasons that have more to do with personal preference than capacity to make a good spouse. Yes, everyone wants to meet someone who melts their heart and excites their every emotion. But that is NOT a requirement for a good marriage. There is nothing wrong with a person trying to find an ideal, but at some point the person has to say that perhaps the ideal is not for them and they have to have a more practical approach to being open to someone. Does that mean marry someone you don't love? No! Love is a requirement. But again, too many have a false sense of love. They think, "Is this person making me happy?" instead of starting by saying, "Is this a person I can make happy?" 

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